Jennifer Garner

dancewithpassion:

Julia: Good Evening.

[Dr. Harrison chokes on his wine when he sees her]

Julia: Are you okay, sir? Well my name is julia and i’m hoing to be your server this evening. Would you like to hear the specials?

Wife: Yes, please.

Julia: Tonight the chef is serving something he likes to call ‘The Lying, Stinking, Pig’

Wife: You’re kidding? How is it cooked?

Julia: Well first he starts by cutting off the Pig’s testicles, and chopping them into tiny pieces, teeney tiny pieces. And then he takes those testicles and he pulverises them and adds a little aregano, some sage, feta cheese, then he shoves the mixture right back up the Pig’s - for lack of a better word - ass. Then, he cuts out the heart, the cold, useless, tiny little heart, and filays it on either side and it makes a nice Amuse Bouche!

—I’m pretty sure this is every girl, that’s every been cheated on’s dream!